Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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