I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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