After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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