i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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