im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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