I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
