Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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