he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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