I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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