Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
