your parents love me but you hate me
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
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I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
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STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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