I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
