Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
