one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
