I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
