Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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