The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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