i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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