come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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