I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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