I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
