You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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