Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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