the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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