She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
