He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
