were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
