i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
