Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
