i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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