I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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