she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
