Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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