Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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