Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
