i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
