stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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