My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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