alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Boobs speak an international language.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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