You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
