Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
