Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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