I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I touched a dick in church today
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
