There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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