guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he puts the penis in happiness.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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