Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
