i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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