i wish there were pregnant emoticons
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
