connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
