i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
