actually, I'm a sock model
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
