I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
