i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
if only i could text you this smell
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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