so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I deserve to be covered in dicks
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
