I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
