Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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