Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
