I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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