Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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