The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
