Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
