the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
