You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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