I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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