new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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