She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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