he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
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He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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