hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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