His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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