Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
