Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
