im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
