the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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