I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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