i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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