and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I wear drunk well.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
