Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
